It’s that wonderful time of year again when we have to count EVERY friggin item in the store. Honestly man, it drives me insane. I just love sitting on my ass counting batteries and pet food for 12 hours while management stands around watching me. The worst part about inventory is that it’s fake.
Ever had one of those customers who think you’re best buds now because you happened to ask them how they are? What happened to answering with a simple “I’m fine”? Here I am, 15 minutes later hearing about ALLLL the issues he’s having with his car. Meanwhile, my manager is eyeballing me from the end of aisle 10 with a look that could kill.
I used to love kids. In an entirely legal kind of way might I add.
But after 5 years of listening to the snotty faced little cretins down my aisles, I’m done. My main issue is that the fact that this is a workplace as well as a place to shop. Sure, you have to bring your fuck trophy with you, because you can’t afford childcare on your McDonalds wages. (Yes, I consider retail work to be one step higher in the pecking order to flipping burgers, and what). But you could at least try to control your precious little bundle of joy/poop.
I’m not asking for much. Just pop your items onto my checkout and be willing to answer my simple yet necessary questions, such as “Do you need a bag?” or “Do you have a More Card?”. Believe it or not, but it makes it very difficult for me to ask these questions if you’re yapping into your phone and ignoring me. It’s not even as if you’re having a life and death conversation, you’re telling your mate what happened on The Apprentice last night. Cheers for spoiling the episode by the way. I hope your card gets declined.
I’m not being funny, but if you are walking slower than a wounded sloth, then you either need to get out of the store or order online. I’m honestly not trying to be mean, but slow-moving people drive me insane. It’s not like I’m whizzing around like Usain Bolt, but I do have a job to do and I’m not really given a fair amount of time to do it.
I worked on a delicatessen counter. Some customers had this weird habit of eating what they had just ordered at the counter. One family really took this to the extreme though. Every saturday morning, a big heavy guy with a ponytail, his petite wife and their two terrible, loud kids would rock up to the counters and ask for some slices of turkey. The minute they got hold of the wrapped bag of turkey I prepared for them, they ripped it open being vaguely careful not to rip the barcode on the sticker, and started noshing on it, tossing some to their kids and making appreciative noises and grunts.
Yeah, I’m sure we’ve all heard those 5 words put together in some form at one point in our retail lives. As if the loss of one customer (who always comes back) is going to completely disrupt the flow of the store’s overall income. The one customer who grabs a shopping cart but only puts 2-3 items in it every visit, the customer who finds something to complain about every visit yet still comes back, yeah that customer.
I’ve been working in retail off and on most of my adult life, I’m 36 years old so that should give a brief introduction into my years of experience in retail. I personally believed I have gone through almost every piece of bullshit retail can offer you.
Customers expect way too much. Every item is expected to be in stock. Every retail worker is expected to have expert knowledge of all products in the store. If the customer isn’t happy about something they expect to get exactly what they want by throwing a tantrum. One minute you’re in their way, the next minute you’re not there when they need you. It’s exhausting.
You ever have that one close friend. Who turned into someone else after gaining a small bit of power? Well, it happened to me. She use to be a lovely kind-hearted girl. A really good friend of mine. Then the unthinkable happened. The home shopping college was bestowed the darkest power upon her. She was promoted to manager.