The satisfying face plant

Guy walking into the glass in a supermarket

Many years back, we had a lovely mall store with these tall, narrow glass showcases inset into the walls. In the glass-fronted mall aisle, there was a stand inside that we would put our best items on, and there was a 2′ wide, 10′ tall glass door on the backside. We kept these scrupulously clean, as any respectable business would do.

Well, one day some loud, rude asshole comes strolling in with his trophy girlfriend. He starts yelling around the store asking for some designer from New Mexico (this was in Tucson), so we told him politely that he could find that specific line in NM, and he cuts us off by shouting (everything he said was shouted) that this guy made the best jewellery and he would only buy from him, blah blah…

We tried to ignore him, but then he started wondering about- I don’t even remember. Something that was trendy at the time, he was just trying to show his knowledge off. I got stuck waiting on him, I’m this scared 16 yr old kid just trying to make a buck for the family, I didn’t know what to do. Then the guy starts wondering why we didn’t carry any 18k gold, yelling about how it was better and blah blah, you couldn’t answer him because he’d just cut you off and ask another question.

He headed over to one of the narrow showcases, pointing at some larger designer piece in the window, he was sure he’d seen it somewhere before, yammering about his NM designer again. He was moving kinda fast, and for some reason didn’t see the huge brass door handle on the glass door, must have thought the case was just open in the back. He hit that thick glass so hard that it made a harmonic ‘twang’ and wobbled. He kind of fell back a little, dazed, rubbed his forehead, and left quietly. The woman that he was with just lost it and left laughing so hard that she couldn’t stand upright. Now that I think back on it, they were probably a bit drunk.

We left his forehead print on the glass for a few weeks, it was so satisfying.