She finally leaves outside and we make sure she’s leaving the property and she goes around the corner of the building. We follow slowly because she appeared out of her mind, and what glory to the eyes to we get to witness, this lady with her shorts completely to the ankles, ass on the wall of the building pissing and shitting. It was too late, we had seen and been through it all by the time the police arrived to really escort her away. When they came, yes, it was just way too late, our eyes and memory had been tainted for life at that point…
I remember one particular day I was working in Customer Services. It was an afternoon, I had been there for about an hour. A guy came in with a boxed TV he wanted to return, saying it was broken. Fair enough, he had the receipt, he went and got another one, and I did an exchange, marking the television he brought back as faulty.
We all have regular customers that come in at least once a day right? At my location, there’s a lot of apartment buildings surrounding my store so a lot of customers just walk on over. There’s one middle-aged man in particular that always walks on over about twice a day, when he asks a question he sounds like he’s upset and likes to yell at us. Ok, we deal with that daily, it’s irritating but easily able to brush off.
I’ve been working in retail off and on most of my adult life, I’m 36 years old so that should give a brief introduction into my years of experience in retail. I personally believed I have gone through almost every piece of bullshit retail can offer you.
Maybe I’m just incredibly immature, but nothing amuses me more than inflicting the stench of my farts on my co-workers. This one particular day my friend Chris working alone down the toilet paper aisle. I’d already spent much of the morning crop dusting the store, but I knew I’d still be able to muster a special one just for Chris. For flair, I decided the best method of delivery would be to skate down the aisle at full speed on a pump truck.
When I first started night shifts in retail I had to go through a 12 week probation period. It’s literally three months of living in fear of losing your job at any moment. Most people in this situation would do their very best to be the best possible worker, just to make sure they get the job. Not me though. I was constantly late and often came to work half cut from the pub. I definitely, definitely didn’t deserve to have the job. But, I had an advantage. The night team was constantly understaffed and relied on staff to work overtime to keep the wheels turning.