I don’t care if you’re buying condoms or haemorrhoid cream

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Yes, Mr Customer, I see you tentatively placing the johnnies and anusol on my checkout. It doesn’t matter if you hide them under the tangerines, I’m gonna see them eventually because I have to scan them. Do you even realise how many of these (and similar) items I have to scan each day? I honestly don’t care. I’m not gonna go home and contemplate whether you are getting your willy wet with your condoms or if you’re pooping in fear. However, I must confess, when you nervously struck up a conversation about working a double shift and I called you a “badass”, I was in fact mocking you. Because, you know, you’ve got a bad arse.